Sucked Being Me Today

September 18, 2011

My kids spent the weekend here in my new place. I think I made them miserable. I am really needing the grace of God, and I need to extend that grace to my kids. They are such different people than I remember. They are not the little kids who left me five years ago in Florida. Sometimes I find it hard to deal with them. They are not bad, nor do they do anything that warrants concern. They don’t use drugs or drink alcohol, and they are not involved in any sexual activities (I hope). I don’t know of any of the typical teen problems you might read about in magazines or see on TV, that are issues in their lives. And trust me, I watch closely. I am not afraid to dig into their lives, invade their privacy or anything else to figure out what the hell they’re doing.

However the things that do concern me other parents might not be that worried about. For me it is character. What kind of people are they. Do they value material things or care more about people. Do they treat each other right or, are they disrespecting one another. Are they growing closer as siblings or pushing each other away.

I want them to be the kind of people that love their neighbor. The kind of people who take care of each other. The kind of people who know how to be loyal and value their families.The bottom line is that I want them to be and do what I could not. I know that is not fair but what parent doesn’t want it. For some reason today I was in a foul mood. I was being a real ass. Their last few hours with me today were not that pleasant. I’m sure they probably wanted to get away from me as soon as possible. I don’t blame them. I don’t know what was wrong with me.

I am not happy and I don’t really know why. I’m not satisfied with my life. I’ve already blown up at God about it today. It’s a good thing he is better than me. I don’t know how he puts up with some people, and I mean me. He is like no other person I know. He is patient and kind. He never rejects me for any reason. I can always come to Him whether I am praising or complaining. These characteristics of His give me confidence come to Him, not move away.

The bible calls it love. In fact it says the He is Love. I hope that more of his love is present the next time I see my kids.