Sometimes Undone

July 17, 2o11

It used to be that all I thought about was music. Even though I was in the navy band and played music all day, for the most part, I wanted to do more when the work day was over. That all change when my marriage began to fall apart. I don’t think it was the depression, sadness, anything like that which caused my interest in music to wain. I believe it was the concern for my kids. Mostly I was afraid of what being the product of a broken marriage would do to them. I willingly took on the responsabilty of being a single parent for a while, 4 years in fact.

My number one concern was for them. For the last 5 or so years they have lived with their mom. I a m still concern about them. They are good kids. Sometimes they don’t display the behavior that I think they should. I think they have good character though.

I don’t think I know them very well anymore. I have moved from Florida to South Carolina to be closer. What I have found in the last 16 day is, I don’t know them. That makes me feel somewhat afraid.

I know that God, my Father, is in control of all things. I pray that He will reveal himself in them to me. I am looking for Him there, in the both of them. For that matter I am looking for Him in Shelly and Robert, and myself. Children are such an awesome responsibilty. I feel totally undone and inadequate to the task. Anyway, back to music. For the last several months I have been really driven to create new music and write new lyrics. Since I have been here in SC though I find that again, my kids are at the forfront of my concern. I don’t want to let that stop me again from being creative, and letting music go to the wayside.

Music is what I do best in life. I am not afraid to say that I am a good musician and writer. My Father gave me that talent, and I like using it. And that is the reason I write music of a Spiritual nature. I like to honor my Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ who makes it possible for me to be the beloved of the Father.
I am a father first though. My kids come first. I love them more than I love the music. I will never choose anything above them. I learned that from my Father too, also from my dad here on earth. Like I said though sometimes I feel undone and inadequate. So I depend on my Father too.