I have been at my mom’s house for the past 10 days. I am afraid to get on the scales. I have been eating ice cream about every night. I have been out with my friend eating and drinking. There was a feast on Father’s day. And last night friends and family went out to El Toro Mexican Restaurant for a last wing ding before I leave. When I get back home I will have a lot of work ahead of me. My back hurts – strange bed. My skin is dry from the Texas heat.

I can’t wait to get home. I have ordered a new camcorder. I have also learn a few things that will add some color to my video blogs/podcast at The Mechanics Of Faith web site. I look forward to getting started.

We got my mom’s computer up and running. So she is very happy. I also gave her my iPod, which I think she will enjoy.

Well, I’ll be home in 24 hours. Can’t wait to get back on track. I can’t wait to lose some weight.

Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment and the doctor released me to full activity status. That means I can go back to work if my job is still available after 5 months. It also means that I can, in his words, “begin to push myself physically.” So this afternoon I went to the I went to the gym for the first time in about 2 1/2 years. I bought new running shoes because as soon as I am strong enough I intend to start jogging.

Today’s workout consisted of a 10 minute walk on the treadmill to warm up. 15  minutes on the elliptical machine to burn some calories and work those lower back muscles, for a total of 25 minutes of cardio. For another 25 minutes I did some weight lifting, not free weights or, anything that put any pressure on my lower back. That means I did not do any military press or, any other exercise that applies pressure from above. I just didn’t want to take any chances of injuring my self the first day back.

I did 3 set  of free seated rows with light wait. Free meaning that there was nothing in front of me to brace against. That means that my lower back got a little bit of strengthening and stretching. Then I did another 3 sets of seated rows where I could brace my self against a padded brace fixed in front of me.  This allowed me to use more weight for more of a workout to my upper back. For  my last exercise I did 3 sets of bench press with 100 pounds.

It was great to be back in the gym. I am down to 242 pounds which is about 4 pounds lighter than last week. I have been cheating on my diet big time for a few days but, I am back on my plan of using the Lean Cuisine meals as a staple. I am still using fruit and salads for other meals and snacks. I have also added low fat yogurt.

I am feeling pretty good after the workout. My back feels solid and strong for a change. I look forward to the next time.

It has been five days since I wrote my last post. My plan was to use Lean Cuisine meals because they are perfectly proportioned. I had some concern about the sodium content but I don’t anymore. The reason is that the food taste like it was prepared with little or no salt. Compared to the amount of salt I would use preparing these same meals Lean Cuisine is quite healthy. I am not adding any salt to the meals and I’m not saying that they taste bad. In fact all of the meals I have purchased so far taste really good.

I have eaten two to three of these meals per day and between meals have had either a small salad or  a piece of fruit. I drink water. I don’t buy any special drinks like tea or sodas or kool-aid.  The only drink I have purchased is almond milk which is pretty healthy. Thus far I have lost close to five pounds in six days. Yesterday I had one meal that wasn’t Lean Cuisine, and on Friday I had dinner with friends. I even had a few beers. This was safe because I don’t see my friends very often so, when I left their home I also left all temptation.

As I have said my plan is to not have anything to tempt me in my home. There is almost no food besides Lean Cuisine and fresh fruit and salad in my apartment.  I only buy four meals at a time so I have to go to the store everyday. And when I go I walk (most of the time), so I am getting some exercise. The Lean Cuisine meals are very low in calories. This is because the portion are really really small compared to the amounts of food we in America tend to eat at one sitting. Over eating is a huge problem in the U.S.. I believe that weight loss is possible if  I can change how much food I actually consume at each meal. Lean Cuisine is a  great tool for this particular task.

I also believe that in America we don’t consume enough real food in this day and age. What I mean by that is everything we eat comes out of a box or, it has been canned, freeze dried or, processed in some other way. Even though there are genetically altered crops being sold in the grocery stores and, even if you are not able to get organically grown foods, you can still benefit from what is being sold in the stores. It is better than eating all your foods from a box or can or some mix. The fruits and salads I have consumed are not organice but I believe they are healthy enough to affect major change in my body. It is good for fiber and keeps my digestive system moving.

I have made five pound of progress and I am happy about that. I think I will be able to stay with this for a while. I need to lose about 75 pounds.

One of my biggest problems is, that if there is any food in my apartment, I am going to eat it. I have absolutely no will power not to eat. I am not eating because I am hungry. I don’t even think I am having cravings most of the time. I am eating because I’m bored. I’m cooped up in the here all day. I am in pain, so, that plays into my laziness about getting out and doing some exercise. So, I eat.

Here is what I have decided to do about it. I don’t believe in wasting food so, rather than giving it away or throwing out the bad stuff, I decided to eat it all. Well, I take that back. Some of the stuff I have here is really bad for you. While I have been out of work my brothers and sisters from church have been bringing me food. A lot of it is in cans and boxes – meaning it’s processed food. It usually contains high amounts of sodium and other things that aren’t good for your health. So some things I do need to through out. I don’t know whether I should give it away or not. I sort of feel bad giving something to someone that even I don’t want to eat.

Next I don’t plan to stock up on anything. I plan to go daily to the grocery store to get only the food that I will eat that day. And when I go to the grocery store I will walk there. It is about a quarter of a mile, so, I get about a half-mile worth of exercise when I go to buy food.

Meal portions play a great part in my failure. So, I have chosen to use Lean Cuisine frozen entrees. They come in correct portions. They are  just prepared and frozen meals, ready to pop into the oven or microwave. They are a little high in sodium content. And I know some people have issues with the sodium and maybe microwave ovens but I gotta start somewhere.

I have read, and have heard nutritionist say that four to five small meals a day is the way to get your metabolism going in order to burn fat. Right now my plan is 2 perfectly proportioned meals per day from Lean Cuisine. In between fresh fruits and veggies.

Yes I know, I’m gonna want snacks. I happen to love fresh fruit so, fresh fruit it is. Peaches are in season and are selling cheap. So when I get the urge I will eat a piece of fruit.

I have managed to stay on this plan for the past two days with only minor infractions. Even this requires some discipline on my part. The smaller portioned meals feel more like appetizers. If this really is a correct portion then it is no wonder that I am turning in to a blob in my older age.

Yes it is true. I now weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. 250 pounds. I have gained 15 pounds since my back surgery. Do I know what to do about it? Hell no! Intellectually I know what to do. How to get to a point and frame of mind to actually do something about it, I have not found. I have not lost hope. I wont give up.

I am still in pain. Not only pain from my surgery, but, the pain in the base of my neck is increasing. Sometimes its numb. Sometimes there is a burning sensation or a sensation of cold. Sometime the skin in that area is painfully sensitive to the touch. I would see a chiropractor but I think there is some sort of nerve damage going on. A wrong move could do some real damage.

Today I have eaten field peas with rice. Beans were cooked with no oil or fat of any kind. So was the rice. I just can’t do the raw thing right now. I don’t know what else to say about it.

In 2005 I tried the raw food diet for the first time. I stayed on it for about 15 days and that was without knowing exactly what I was doing. I ate a lot of salads and whole fruits. I didn’t have any recipes to follow. However, I like nuts of all kinds and also juicing. So I had lots of nuts on my salads, and, I got pretty creative with lemon and other fruit juices, and olive oil to make salad dressings.

I never seemed to get bored. You’d think it be easier now but its not. I did do better today though. In fact I don’t think I broke the diet but once (it was very minor). I’m only two days in and I caught a glimpse of a feeling, a physical phenomenon, almost like a vibration in my body. In 2005 during the 15 days I was on raw food I had this feeling pretty often. It would sometimes last for over an hour. I would be sitting on the couch and this feeling would come over me. It was not a shaking or shiver. I didn’t get goose bumps or anything. It was nothing like that. It was a vibration. That’s the best way I can describe it. And it really felt good.

Also during those 15 days I felt better than I had in a very long time. It was the feeling of health and strength. My mind was clear. A lot of my aches and pains had subsided. Everybody says this but, I had a lot of energy. I lost nearly 20 pounds during that time. It was more that just weight loss though. I had done that many times before. This was a different feeling than just losing weight and feeling good about it. There seemed to be much more going on.

I have been diagnosed with GERD and a hiatal hernia. After about 8 days or so I didn’t have to take meds to control my condition. My digestion became much easier. It is probably not acceptable to talk about do-do, but, where it used to be a sticky mess and hard to clean myself after, it was now none sticky and not nearly as hard to clean up. Also, I noticed that the smell was way less horrible. I know,I know, enough about d0-do.

The thing that really told me that I was headed in the right direction was the fact that my blood pressure went from border line high to absolutely normal in about 10 days. I am sure this had a lot to do with the way I was feeling. I was super charged. So, I am excited about doing this. There are many good reasons to do so.

I failed to get rid of the food in the house that I don’t want to eat. Of course when I started craving something to eat went the old way instead of the new. Tomorrow though it will be done. I did start out eating raw foods though. Through out the day I consumed cauliflower, a strawberry smoothie, a rather strong salad made with mustard greens and some other stuff, and some mixed fruit. How I broke the raw food diet to day was with spaghetti with garlic and olive oil. I’ll do better tomorrow. I just have to get rid of the old stuff in the house.

I look forward to waking up in the morning because I am anxious to see how I will be feeling after my 2 hour bicycle ride today. About a month and a half ago I took just a short bike ride, about 15 minutes. Not only the next day, but for weeks after, I was in increased pain. I had a hard time during the following weeks at physical therapy. Of course I am feeling even stronger now than I did then. Even after the bike ride today I didn’t feel much pain, even while walking.

My immediate goal is too lose weigh. 10 pounds at first. Then another 10. Eventually, I want to lose a total of about 70 pounds. Biking is good exercise. Tomorrow I plan to go for a walk. I feel like I could do a light jog but I will give myself another few weeks of recovery.

One thing is for sure, my back is feeling stronger everyday. The bike ride this afternoon seemed to loosen up a lot of the tightness I have been feeling.

I am failing. I am getting fatter. I got on the scale today and I was nearly 3 pounds heavier than the day I took pictures of my fat. I feel awful.

I think my back is healing as quickly as it should but because of all the weight I have gained, I feel broken. At first I thought I was not healing but I really think I am too heavy to benefit the work that was done.

Today I have not really felt any pain. What I do feel is strain when I stand up. It’s like when I’m at work lifting something heavy. That’s what leads me to believe that I have actually gotten to heavy to feel the benefits of the surgery I had. I think the fat around my mid section alone probably weighs about 40 pounds.

I have to do something. I must get rid of the food I have in the house. There is nothing good for me here. I don’t know how I can afford to eat differently but it has to happen or I’m going to kill myself with my current way of living.

Sometimes I have a maddening desire for alcohol. And I live way to close to town. In fact I live in town. There are fast food restaurants, bars, hot wing places that serve beer etc. I seem to have no will power.

Am I eating because of depression or something? Probably. My life hasn’t gone exactly the way I planned in the last 12 years or so. I’m divorce, my kids went to live with their mom, and I live alone. I don’t think any woman would take a second look my way. Not that I am ready to get into another relationship at this point. I feel like my life is a wreck and I don’t know what to do about it. Changing my diet certainly is no easier than the rest of my life. I am running out of rope.

This is all a vicious circle. I don’t know where to grab a hold. I’m depressed about being fat so I eat. What kind of sense does that make? I drink because I’m depressed about not being able to lose weight and because I live alone. What is the answer? I really don’t know.

Well, tomorrow I will get rid of the food that is in my house. I will box it up and take it somewhere. That will be my first step. It’s the only step I know right now.

Well it has been about 3 and 1/2 months since my back surgery. I was already over weight and now I am really getting fat. So fat in fact that, my butt feels tight as a drum because of an increase in cellulite.  The problem is that I have been cooped up unable to do any exercise. My church, the good people that they are have been bringing me food. Much of it has been canned goods and instant stuff in boxes. I haven’t eaten a lot of this type of food in about years. Now 3 months is taking its toll.

I am now getting to the point where there is more stiffness than pain in my back. This week I have begun to walk more. And though I am not working I intend to do something about the kind of foods I am eating. I will probably donate the food I have been given. There is nothing wrong with it per se. I just can’t eat it. It is bad for my health, especially with the limited amount of exercise and activity I am able to do. I am going to try riding my bicycle again. The last time I did it I hurt for about 2 weeks. That was nearly a month ago. I am stronger now. Hopefully it will not be a problem.

Still my favorite diet is the raw food diet. However, since I have such an addiction to cooked foods I am going to try adding grilled chicken or fish a couple of times a week. I am mostly after weight loss. I am not a bad looking guy but the extra weight does not…well it is not wanted. I want to be thinner. I am 5’7″ and weigh 245 pounds. I would like to get down to about 175-180. That is 65 to 70 pounds I want to lose.

I also would like to check out a weight watchers meeting. Perhaps that would be a good weigh:) to go. Raw foods are healthy but it is very hard without support. Weight watchers seems to have a support system in place that could be a great help to me. It is also a way to get educated about foods and better nutritional habits.

I have posted a small, very small picture of myself. It will be obvious why I want to lose weight. Many people see me in my clothing and say, “You’re not fat,” or ” You’re not that big.” Well who cares? I am uncomfortable in my body because I am fat. It endangers my health. I am over weight and I intend to change that. I am declaring war on the fat!