I Have Lost My Drive

October 28, 2011

I am not driven to do anything. I used to be driven by music. I thought about it day and night. When I wanted to do it most I was terrible at it. Now I’m much better at it and I’m not very interested. I don’t seem to be very interested in anything.

My day goes like this. I get up around 7:30 – 8:00 and have breakfast.Then I start watching TV and then…nothing. TV, all day. Not only regular TV but I’m also watching back to back episodes Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek Voyager and other TV shows like them. That goes on til bed time. I am supposed to start school in January. Sometimes I wonder why I’m going because I’m not driven. I don’t want to fail.

Maybe when I actually start I will feel more motivated. Maybe it is because I am older. I’ll be 50 in a year. But I think that is too young to be out of energy. I am going to pursue culinary arts. In my younger days, before the military I was a steak cook in a restaurant called the Longhorn Cafe. I worked there for 4 years. I enjoyed it a great deal.

20 years in the military seems to have taken a lot out of me. I came out with back injuries. I’ve had back surgery in January 2010. Up until that point I was working in the Food Lion warehouse. Since the surgery I seem to have slowed way down. Makes me think I should have just continue working. I think I was going to do well on that job. They had already given me a couple of really good raises. Now I don’t have the energy to fart. Well that is the state of tltate at the moment.